exams are demoralising. they just tear my heart open and sew it shut. haha. but spending time with GQ after that was great. i ate so much i feel like bursting and im itching to shop. and i hate exams. and i feel like gg to mcr concert. aahhh. i want exams to be over. period.
.
i just finished watching grey’s anatomy. i’ve watched this episode before, and i cried. so i watched it again, i teared. *wipes tears and mucus off my nose* i think if ur job is to save lives, u’ll just feel so weak when that life is your friend’s. thats why doctors dont treat their wives, children and loved ones. i remember a conversation with my lecturer. he shared with me this story about one of his client, a little girl. for 3yrs she suffered recurrent headaches and every time she saw the doctor, she would just be diagnosed with stress or fatigue-related diagnosis. the doctor really adored this bubbly little girl and unknowingly, felt disheartened to execute further checks on her for fear of finding tragic truth. u know, like u secretly dont want to know the truth cos u are so scared its gonna be bad and u dont even know u feel that way. but truth will out and it did. so one day the girl had terrible seizures (i learnt this word from lynn. hehe) and didnt survive what she had to fight. a high degree of brain cancer that could have been suppressed if she was properly diagnosed. oh man. Allah knows best.
.
i think thats where i can never be a life-saver (in that sense) cos i’ll just faint and live a coma if i had to drill holes, snip vessels and splice nerves, in my friend’s skull. ohh i just cant do that!
.
so anyway, one part of the episode got me all emotive.
izzie to george:
I know people die. People die in front of us everyday. But I believe Meredith will survive this. I believe…I believe…I…I believe in the good. I believe that it’s been a hell of year and in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary we will all be ok. I believe a lot of things. I believe that…I believe that Denny is always with me. And I believe that if I eat a tub of butter and no one sees me the calories don’t count. And I believe that surgeons who prefer staples over stitches are just lazy. And I believe that you are a man who made a terrible mistake marrying Callie. And I believe that because I am your best friend I can tell you this and we will be ok. I believe even though you made this mistake you will be ok. I believe we survive, George. I believe that believing we survive is what makes us survive.
.
alright im off to bed.
